Spontaneous writing.

Bored. bored bored bored. How can somebody so creative and inspired be so bored? How can there be so many people around me who i am so detached from? This place is sucking the life out of me. I need to leave, and the sooner the better. I’ve come to the conclusion today that I’m…

speechless

Ive just poured my heart and soul out into a blog post, for it to screw up and save as ‘a’. one fucking word. Not even a word, a letter. god I dont even know what to feel. i wanted to read it back so badly, i was purging everything in my head without even…

2hrs to go

Today was the big test for the week; first day of seeing him since we split on Sunday. In the past I would’ve been an absolute mess but this time, for today at least, I’ve been ok. I am missing chatting to him but that’s to be expected I suppose. There are 2 hours still…

Honesty

Yesterday evening was a tough one. I was so upset. I know I’ve done the right thing but I feel so sad for myself that someone I cared so deeply for could be so unkind to me and then make me feel guilty for being upset my his actions. I feel like I’d like him…

I feel sadness

You kept me secret. I told you when things upset me but you carried on doing them anyway. If I was struggling you would turn your back and leave me to get through it alone. You never asked how my day was. You made me feel like an inconvenience. A chore that you had to…

Two posts in two days

I am definitely needing to express myself. This blog really helps me to get my thoughts out and make sense of the bits that are confusing to me. The written word really is a powerful thing, isn’t it. Even if nobody else reads this, the ability to express myself and make peace with myself is…

It’s been a while

I have had a great few weeks, getting on with life, being happy, not sweating the small stuff, keeping a record of my daily victories, feeling positive, even wondering if the end of this horrible prolonged saga is finally in sight. There has been a fair amount of uncertainty and change at work which has…

Day 1.

It is Monday morning. I’ve had a great weekend, jam-packed with things I enjoy: time alone, time with people whose company I enjoy, art galleries, glasses of wine, cinema, meals, yoga, fitness, getting on top of housework, cuddles, nice coffee, sunny days. Now this question has just come to my mind: How long will the…

ok, enough now.

For a couple of days now my head has felt kind of fuzzy, as if my thoughts are whizzing round so fast that they’re not making hard contact with the part of my brain that applies logic and reason, so I can’t grab hold of them to make sense of anything. It’s like my chimp (for…

Now I need to figure out what to do.

This seems to be a pattern: I have a bad few days, then a couple of days ‘recovering’ and finally seeing through the fog, then a few good days (maybe even weeks?) where I feel alright again and able to get on with the many things I want to do, then I get this undercurrent…

Tipping the scales

As a ‘spare time’ artist, I’m always seeking balance, be that in my drawings/paintings, or in pictures/views I see.I have some kind of sixth sense that almost feels shapes, curves and angles as if I could reach out and touch them; I feel unsettled if something does not hold a degree of balance – even…

Chimp musings

When my brain gets bored, my mind starts wandering and creating arguments with itself, imagining scenarios that may never happen, envisaging what could possibly go wrong in any area of my life. Why on earth do these thoughts come so easily, instead of happy thoughts about fun and exciting events that I can reminisce about or…